Unemployment
by Iv-Vii-Xi
Summary: What if Frank, Rocky, and Columbia were just stunned by the laser? A silly little oneshot. Spoilers. Contains extremely slight traces of RockyxFrank, and tree nuts. Rated T to be safe.


WARNING: Extreme hammy villainy, and mentions of animal guts.

Magenta and Riff Raff stared out the window as the earth descended below them. They were at the highest point in the mansion, the grass below them shone dark greenish-blue beneath the moonlight. Both sibling's faces adorned twisted smiles of satisfaction. "Finally," Riff Raff started, "we're going home." he placed a bony arm around the redhead's slender shoulders.

Magenta rested her cheek in her hand and spoke in her usual monotone, "No more Frank-N-Furter to boss us around. I'm sure everybody back at Transexual has missed us dearly. At least, they better have." she cackled maniacally.

"I'm positive mother hasn't gotten a wink of sleep since we left." Riff Raff confirmed with an air of confidence. "The queen will be most happy to see u-" the thin man stopped mid-sentence. His mouth opened and shut like a suffocating trout.

Magenta raised an eyebrow, "Is something wrong?" She didn't like that look. It unnerved her. Did they forget about something? She thought about Riff Raff's words. Of course the queen would be pleased to see them. Hell, she loved them almost half as much as she loved her darling... Frankie. Sudden realization hit Magenta like a ton of bricks.

"FRANK!" they both shouted at the same time. "She'll be devastated!" Magenta panicked as she started pacing around in small circles. "What are we going to tell her? She's going to ask for him the minute we land!"

Riff Raff covered his face with both hands as his sister continued her loud rant. "Magenta..." She began to hyperventilate. "Magenta!" he ran his hands down his face, stretching his already impossibly tight skin. Still, his attempt to get her attention failed. "MAGENTA!" he growled loudly.

She immediately shut up. "What?"

"Frank's body is still in the mansion." he reported calmly. Her jaw dropped. "The queen is definitely going to search the mansion for him."

Magenta stepped up to the window and looked out with an exasperated sigh. After a few minutes, she said, "Stop the ship. I... I have an idea. It's not going to be fun, but I have an idea."

* * *

Riff Riff gasped loudly and tried his best to wipe the sweat off of his forehead with his sleeve, but failed miserably. "Oh... my... GOD."

"Oh, quit your whining!" Magenta yelled frustratedly as she heaved Columbia's limp body back over her shoulder. "I've got two of em!"

"Yes, but yours are skinny and light and NOT the weight of a small rhinoceros!" Riff Raff complained, referring to Rocky's incredible muscle mass. "And the water weight from his hair and clothes certainly do not help!"

Magenta snorted. "What hair? What clothes? You wanna talk about water weight? Well here you go; if you wrung Frank's hair out right now, the amount of water would probably fill a bathtub. It's like a sponge!" she abruptly stopped in the middle of the staircase, making her brother knock into her back and stumble slightly. "And what the hell is a 'rhinoceros'?"

And so, Riff Raff and Magenta dragged the three bodies up a flight of stairs and through several hallways before they finally found a window. The mansion was paused mid-flight so they were still on earth, only about 35 feet above the ground. With no caution whatsoever, Magenta dropped Frank and Columbia to the floor and pulled the window open. "You ready?" she looked at her brother, who nodded in response. "Alright. You get the feet." Magenta put a firm hold on Rocky's upper body as Riff Raff shifted to his feet. "One... Two... THREE!" and with a powerful heave, they flung the blonde's bulky figure out the window and to the hard ground below.

They repeated the process with the other two bodies before dusting off their hands and closing the window. "Well," Magenta joked, "if they weren't dead before, they certainly are now!"

A villainous laugh sounded throughout the mansion as it took off at incredible speed, back to Transylvania.

* * *

"You WHAT!?" the queen shouted furiously as she gripped Riff Raff's throat in a choke hold.

"We..." he gasped for breath, "We lost him, your Majesty. We just woke up one morning and he was gone."

"We found this, your Majesty, in a ditch not to far away from the mansion." Magenta presented the queen with a necklace; Frank's pearl necklace. It's shiny white surface was spotted with dried up blood. The queen's stomach sunk as she took the piece of jewelry in her hands and stared down at it. "We have reason to believe that your son... is dead."

"Possibly mugged. We think that this snapped off of his neck in the midst of a struggle. There was quite a bit of blood." Riff Raff's tone was full of fake sympathy as he choked his words through the queen's firm grasp. "My deepest condolences, your Highness. We searched everywhere for him."

Frank's mother immediately released her death grip on Riff Raff's neck and started sobbing uncontrollably into the necklace, mumbling incoherently about her "little Frankie". Riff Raff and Magenta took this opportunity to sneak away.

* * *

When they reached the comfort of their own home, which they hadn't seen in years, Riff Raff said, "So, Magenta... Bloodstained necklace? Did you slit his throat before you threw him out the window, just for good measure?"

"Nah. I snatched it, you know, just in case. The blood is mine. I just pricked my finger and smeared some on." she slid out of her shoes and plopped down on the sofa. "I had to make up some murder story. We wouldn't want the queen to send her men out looking for him, would we?"

"You're a clever one."

"I know." she smirked as she stared at a photograph that was sitting on the mantle. It was of her, her brother, and Frank when they were younger. They all used to be best friends, that is, until Frank turned into a pompous ass. She was glad she'd never have to see that stupid grin of his again.

"Goodbye, Frank Furter."

* * *

(6 MONTHS LATER)

* * *

"GOODBYE, FRANK FURTER!"

That was all he heard before he was thrown unceremoniously on the concrete, the thick back door of the butcher's shop slamming behind him. He jumped back to his feet and pounded harshly on the door. "YOU CAN'T JUST THROW ME OUT ON THE STREET! I HAVE A FAMILY TO SUPPORT, YOU KNOW! I THINK YOU TWISTED MY WRIST! YOU HEAR THAT!? PHYSICAL HARM! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER, YOU COW!"

'I don't even have a lawyer...' he thought begrudgingly. "You know what? I don't even need your job! That's right! You hear me? There are plenty of other, nicer, better smelling people who are dying to employ me! For a whole lot more, too! Have fun spending the rest of your life chopping up dead animal parts, you asshole!"

In 30 minutes, he found himself sitting on a bench in the middle of the city with no makeup, and no clue what to do next. And to top it all off, he was covered in pig blood. This was his 19th job in 6 months. Why did those stupid servants of his decide to tranquilize him and leave him in the middle of nowhere instead of just killing him? He was royalty! A prince! But nobody cared about that here. They only cared about how fast he could disembowel a chicken, which for the record, was pretty damn fast! They only fired him because he started "playing" with the meat. And by "playing", he meant throwing kidneys at the back of his co-workers heads. They called it "sick". He called it "bored". With a heavy sigh, he boarded the bus and made his way home.

* * *

"I'm back!"

"Good God, Frank, what happened to you?" Columbia wrinkled her nose at the disgruntled man. He had dark circles under his eyes, bruised hands, and he smelled of dead things.

"I'd rather not say." with a completely blank expression, he removed his soiled apron, shirt, and trousers, before walking straight to the bathroom. "You can go ahead and burn those!" he called back to her.

"But isn't that your work uniform? Don't you need that for, oh, I don't know, WORK?" when she received no reply, she jumped up and rushed to the bathroom door. "Oh, Frankie. You didn't get fired again, did you?"

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!"

"What'd you do this time?"

"Nothing! I did absolutely nothing wrong!"

"I find this hard to believe."

"Can I just have a moment? Please? I have to take a shower and then LOOK FOR A NEW JOB." the sound of water pouring from the shower head signified that the conversation was over. Columbia sighed and hung her head in defeat. She felt bad for Frank. Betrayed by his own kind and stranded on a foreign planet with a human and a... whatever Rocky was. She was the only one of them that recieved a steady income, and that was the graveyard shift at a low-paying 24 hour diner that was teetering on the edge of bankrupcty.

She became lost in her thoughts, and only broke free of them when she accidentally bumped into Rocky in the hallway. He looked down at her with confusion evident in his blue eyes. "Frank got fired again." she explained. Rocky's expression saddened. It seemed that he understood the language (mostly) by now, he just had difficulty speaking it. He was learning, though. "He's in the shower. I think you should try cheering him up."

Columbia followed closely behind him as he approached the bathroom door and knocked. "Go away, Columbia." Frank said irritatedly over the sound of running water.

"Rocky!" Rocky replied loudly. Almost instantly, the water shut off and the door opened to reveal a distraught Frank-N-Furter with not but a towel wrapped around his waist. He had thick black streams of makeup smeared down his cheeks and tears in his reddened eyes.

"Rocky, baby," he said pleadingly, "I'm sure Columbia's already told you the devistating news, the little snake." Columbia's following protest went unnoticed as Frank continued, "I'm so sorry I've let you down again!" he put a hand on the tan man's cheek, "Next time will be different, I promise!"

Rocky was naturally a very forgiving creature. His expression became sympathetic and he said, "I'm okay," which was probably the best he could do in the comforting department at that moment.

Columbia popped out from behind Rocky and commented, "You weren't wearing makeup when you came home."

"I put it on before I got in the shower. Everything's more dramatic when you have streams of eyeliner running down your face, don't you think?"


End file.
